Jaymes Young is my inspiration.
His music has such power and the song Parachute is something that I have been listening to for a few days now.
It really describes the situation that I have with Parker and Emily, in my story.
Parker is going to be doing some bad things, in this chapter. He is not only going to mess his friendship up with his business partner, but he realizes how much he does care about Emily, even though, she has no interest in him, as of right now. I really like conflict and that is what this chapter and a few more is all about.
To really capture Bruno, which was going to be my main issue, I am having to really use persona. I am trying to get into the mindset of a 1800s Business man, who is tough as nails, but had a soft inside. I really love this chapter and I want more on him. He might steal the spot light from Parker, honestly. I don't know though.
A lot has happened. Not only did Emily and Parker gone their separate ways, but Parker has become involved in the normal activities of the ladies of the night and Emily knows it to be true.
This has caused a few, terrible things to happen. Rosemary has talked Emily into losing her innocence to Bruno, who is Rosemary's most valued person, in her life, and this is going to cause a strain on, not only, Bruno and Parker's relationship, but Parker and Emily's going to be relationship.
This has caused a few, terrible things to happen. Rosemary has talked Emily into losing her innocence to Bruno, who is Rosemary's most valued person, in her life, and this is going to cause a strain on, not only, Bruno and Parker's relationship, but Parker and Emily's going to be relationship.
Excerpt;
The
next day could not come fast enough and there Bruno was, talking with Rosemary,
when Emily came down and Parker was not far behind her. He bumped into her, but
Emily did not seem to be bothered by it. He was marching straight to Bruno and
gave the male a giant hug. Emily gave a small smile as she leaned against the
wall.
Rosemary
was pushed from the conversation, between the men, since the two men began to
grow serious. Rosemary walked, straight, over to Emily and chuckled. “Bruno
mentioned your name right as I walked away,” Rosemary whispered.
Emily
wasn’t going to respond. She was too intent and focused on the conversation
Bruno and Parker were having. Parker was growing upset and bothered by what
Bruno was saying.
Bruno
wasn’t very tall, like Parker. He was short, maybe five foot seven, but he was
very stout and muscular. He had short, but well-maintained hair with dark,
tanned skin and dark eyes that told a million stories. He definitely was
Rosemary’s type and he was growing impatient and angry with his friend, Parker.
Suddenly,
Parker had an outburst, slamming his hand on the table and Bruno showed Parker
something, Emily guessed it was a gun to shut Parker up and it did. Parker
exclaimed, “why her?!”
This
caught most everyone’s’ attention and Emily turned away. Rosemary cleared her
throat and directed Emily up the stairs and away from the mess that was about
to happen.
“Parker,
you had your chance,” Bruno’s thick, New York accent could be heard from up the
stairs.
“She’s
innocent. You’re taking her innocence from her, Bruno,” Parker pleaded, but
nothing seemed to work.
Bruno
just gave a shrug and made eye contact with Mistress Maria, who had showed her
wary face. Bruno waved for her attention and pushed past Parker, who was still
angry and Bruno was soon on the ground and Parker was on top of him.
Parker
began to attack Bruno, with no mercy till someone pulled Parker off of him and
Maria promptly kicked the Irishman out of the Brothel.
The confrontation between the two men adds a physicality that has been missing from the story henceforth. My only complaint is that you don't spend much time--or many words--on it. I think you missed a golden opportunity there to let your characters' actions speak for themselves. A heated shouting match could up the stakes for Bruno and Parker, thus allowing us to know more about them, their goals, their natures, their fears, etc. Also, it would allow your reader to invest emotionally in the two characters, perhaps even picking sides. The intro to the altercation is sufficient, but I would have liked to at least hear them scream for a bit, if not trade haymakers. Just my two cents.
ReplyDelete